March 12, 2020
I Will
I will not give up
I will accept support and help from others
I will be grateful
I will smile again freely one day
I will stay present in the moment
I will ground against fast intrusive memories
I will accept MYSELF
I will continue to love
I will take time to trust, once more
But I WILL
So when I have moments of hope, after processing truths that I’d rather continue to deny happened to me in 2019...I have a moment of hope for because 2020 I’ve been trying to survive whilst in mental distress everyday.
And I don’t know why I won’t let myself be proud of that without feeling shame.
But I WILL focus on my mental recovery, physical exhaustion, shock fatigue and emotional trauma by accepting help...instead of giving help out to escape the fact I couldn’t help myself. I have hope because you have hope too.
Thanks to you, thanks to my friends and their protective guidance but most of all patience with my getting better.
Communicating with my family has not always been easy as I shutdown and sometimes they don’t understand my perspective- they way I don’t understand theirs. But I’m grateful for my family and I love them even though I find it hard to say in person.
Thank you to especially parents, sister, friends for helping me by letting me rage my heart out and understand that pain. I know it’s not been easy - when I’m in such mental distress is really difficult; so I’m lucky and so grateful for who I have in my life and they are dear to me.
And I’m learning to let in love and allowing help as I can’t push on or mask through. I can’t fake a smile. But I can continue to push forward for my son’s sake and only one life.
I have hope that I can work from home and edit behind the scenes work from last year I’ve been avoiding due to exhaustion. It will be hard but I have hope for safety, calm, a possible future where I’m mentally at peace.
I promise you though - inside I’m smiling & I have hope. I just cannot express it physically currently. I refuse to mask with fake smiles.
That’s something I physically WILL NOT do anymore.
#consent #recovery #acceptinghelp #acceptingsupport #prozac #5months #11weeksfree #communicating
Original Facebook Agony Autie
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